Go home !

I have three stepkids and I've been their stepmom since 2002. In the space of three and a half years, I have met my stepchildren once. They spent two nights with me and my husband in the summer of 2003. My husband had to really fight his ex wife for those two nights. We all had a good time. I liked my stepkids and they seemed to like me. Since then, we've had no relationship. Their mother will not allow the kids to have a relationship with me or their father.

My husband's ex, a woman I'll refer to as "Ann", apparently thinks I'm a bad influence. And I probably am, but not for the reasons she'd have you believe. The kids are being raised as Latter Day Saints. I am not LDS, and neither is their father anymore. I have never been a Mormon, while the kids' dad converted briefly and decided the faith wasn't for him. When I met my husband, he was newly divorced, but still active within the Mormon faith. Although he claimed to be a believer, my husband never once tried to convert me. In fact, once we started dating, he began to enjoy coffee and beer again, things that he had given up for his faith. When the kids visited us, they saw that we had a couple of beers in our refrigerator. The youngest child, who was ten years old at the time, was horrified that we had alcohol in our house. The other two seemed to care less, but their mother found out about it. So that was one strike against me.

Another strike against me is that Ann has never met me. We did have one opportunity to meet, but it was during Christmas at my father in law's house. The ex had invited herself and her new husband there for the holidays. Then, I guess to appease my husband and his repeated demands for visitation, she invited the two of us to come to my husband's dad's house. She and her husband planned to stay in the house with the kids. She told my husband to get a hotel room. Personally, I wouldn't have minded staying at a hotel. But I didn't think it would be wise for me to attend a Christmas celebration at my in laws' home with my husband's ex wife in attendance. Christmas is stressful for me under the best of circumstances. I can't imagine that I would have been able to put a smile on my face and pretend to enjoy the holidays with my husband's ex wife. It was just not a good time for us to meet, so my husband took his visitation alone. When he came back from his two day visit, he told me that I was right not to go. I think Ann is threatened because she knows so little about me. And since she knows little, she can't control me.

A third strike against me is that my stepchildren are victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). It's become clear, especially in the past few weeks, that the kids have been lied to about their father-- why he and his ex got divorced, his upbringing, even his character. My husband's son has been talking to him again... he can do that because he's 18 now and his mother can't control him. And the young man has revealed some of what his mother has been telling him and his sisters about her relationship with my husband. Much of what he's been told is not the truth, or at least it's not the whole truth.

I know that a lot of stepmoms would trade places with me. A lot of second wives resent the fact that they have stepchildren. They don't want to get to know them or even acknowledge their existence. They don't want to be reminded that their husband has a past. I am not one of those women. I would like to get to know my husband's kids because they are a part of him. Besides, when I met the kids, I thought they were nice people. I'm sorry that they're growing up without their father. I recognize that if it weren't for me, they might know their dad better. Ann doesn't like the idea of another woman taking her place, even though she initiated the divorce. She doesn't seem to realize for all her protests that she wants what's best for the children, she has abused them. And very soon, she will start paying for her mistakes.