This book review originally appeared on Epinions.com... but I am the one and only author!

Recently, my husband and I celebrated four years of marriage. Our time together has mostly been wonderful. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Most of all, we still love each other very much. But there's one aspect of our marriage that has been difficult, and that's dealing with my husband's ex wife and, to a lesser extent, his three kids.

My husband and his ex wife, a woman I'll call Ann, were married for almost ten stormy years when they divorced in 2000. Naturally, because I am now married to my husband, I've heard a lot of stories about what went on during his first marriage. I've also observed what's happened since the divorce. What I've seen and heard, coupled with my professional training in public health and social work, leads me to strongly suspect that Ann suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). That hunch led me to purchase Stop Walking On Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder (1998), written by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger. I found Stop Walking On Eggshells after doing some research about BPD. The book was highly recommended on several well known Web sites dedicated to BPD. It also got good reviews on consumer sites.

Outside of a professional capacity, I don't generally think it's a good idea to "diagnose" people with psychiatric labels. However, my husband has been at his wit's end trying to figure out how to deal with his ex. Unfortunately, Ann's background and behavior fit the diagnostic criteria of BPD almost perfectly. For those who don't know what BPD is, here is its definition according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Psychiatric Disorders, fourth edition (1994).

* A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).

* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting."

* Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).

* Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

* Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

* Chronic feelings of emptiness.

* Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

* Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Although Ann's behavior fits this description very well, we don't actually know for sure that this is her problem. But still, I read a checklist of common feelings and behaviors associated with people who deal with with someone with BPD, and my husband's face lit up with recognition. I asked him if the feelings were familiar to him and he said in astonishment, "Every single one of them!"

My husband and I read Stop Walking On Eggshells together. Although I wish we had no need to read this book beyond satisfying academic curiosity, I can testify that Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger did a great job of explaining in laymen's terms what BPD is and, more importantly, they offered strategies on how people who don't have BPD can deal with those who have the disorder. The book is very easy to understand, insightful, and well written. After I was finished reading Stop Walking On Eggshells, I realized that as hard as it is to deal with Ann, it must be much harder for Ann to deal with herself. And of course, my husband's kids are also dealing with the aftermath of the disorder. I liked the fact that the authors of Stop Walking On Eggshells included discussion on how to best help children who are being raised by a parent with BPD.

Stop Walking On Eggshells is divided into three parts. The first part deals with understanding what BPD is. The authors acknowledge that dealing with someone who has BPD can be maddening and confusing. As my husband explains it, one day Ann would think he was practically a god. The next day, Ann seemed to hate him with a frightening intensity. Then a few days after that, she'd go back to being loving again. She frequently twists other peoples' words and uses them as powerful weapons against them. Ann also engages in extremely manipulative, controlling behavior, especially when it comes to her relations with family. She seems to vacillate between wanting to be cared for and nurtured and wanting to be in control of everything. On the surface, it looks like Ann is firmly in control of other people, but in reality, she's not. In fact, all of this behavior seems to come from an extreme fear of abandonment that stems from her troubled childhood. Sadly, all of her attempts to control people and stop them from leaving her generally end up causing other people to abandon her, the one thing that she seems to fear the most.

The second part of the book is about helping people who have to deal with someone with BPD "take back their lives". It offers strategies on avoiding saying or doing things that trigger the behavior that is associated with BPD. The authors include a lot of tips on establishing and maintaining boundaries, engaging in dialogs that don't trigger BPD behaviors, and increasing confidence.

The third part of this book is about resolving special issues. While this book mostly seems to be aimed at people who are married to people who suffer from BPD, the authors acknowledge that some readers might have children with BPD. In this section, the authors also offer tips to people who are preparing to divorce someone with BPD, particularly if there are children involved. Divorce can be especially traumatic for both parties, since some people with BPD engage in nasty "smear" campaigns. Unfortunately, that's what happened to my husband when he got his divorce. Ann tried to turn his own parents against him, as well as people in their church. Later, she turned his kids against him, although thankfully, she's never accused him of child abuse. The authors offer strategies on how to avoid such a nightmarish scenario. They also offer tips to people who choose to stay involved with someone who has BPD.

At the end of the book, there are several very helpful appendices, which include other sources of information about BPD. I thought it was very enlightened that the authors included a list of online groups that make it easier for people affected by BPD to find support. There is also a helpful section on the latest and most effective treatments for BPD. The authors actually consulted people who were diagnosed with BPD and in the treatment process. The comments from the people with BPD provide valuable insight into their way of thinking.

It's important to realize that Stop Walking On Eggshells is really for people who deal with someone who has BPD. It's not so much for people who actually suffer from the disorder and are looking for help. I like this book because it's very balanced and offers some great insights as to why people with BPD behave the way they do. Paul T. Mason is an experienced mental health professional who has done a lot of research on BPD. Randi Kreger is a professional writer who noticed that there wasn't a lot of information about the effect of BPD on people who don't have the disorder. Together, they've created a book that has no doubt helped many people, my husband and myself included. If you deal with someone who has BPD, I definitely encourage you to read this book.

Links to this title and others that are helpful in learning about and dealing with BPD.

An excellent book for dealing with someone who is an emotional blackmailer.

A really great book about what it's like to actually suffer from BPD.